❗️TW: depression
When I was a teenager, I was drowning so deep in my depression that I believed I wouldn’t make it past that very day. The concept of living a long life was foreign to me. Most 16-year-olds probably don’t plan so far ahead, that’s what I told myself anyway. Dealing with the sudden loss of my best friend had triggered a desperation to go with him too. My faith had already crumbled in my early years. In the midst of grief, I had given up on the idea of growing old. Living a long life was not in my plans.
A little further into my teens and very early twenties, I had vices that distracted me from the idea of living a life at all. I had vices that I believed could hasten the process of living. Live fast, die young, they say. The world of partying was enticing because I believed I could numb the suffering of the past. This taught me the importance of healing, of recovery.
Today, because of that healing, I would just like to live a good, long life. Quality over quantity. Perhaps this might change when I grow old (as everything always does without fail). For now, I am happy to just enjoy what I can and live as long as I need to. This labyrinth that is life is worth exploring, and so far it is very beautiful. Whatever life says, goes. I trust the hands accountable for my experience on this earth. I am admittedly not religious, but I do believe in the power of having faith in something. It is almost my life’s mission to experience what my friend could not, growing old surrounded by my loved ones.
Photo by mom
nina writes 
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